Ra's Wrath Of Revenge
by Abby R and Ali D
Summary: Ra is alive and has taken the SGC over with a very strange illness.......Chapter 9 is up!
1. The rap begins!

**Ra's Wrath Of Revenge**

**DISCLAIMER: ****Although it would appear that Abby and Alison have total control over the actions of the characters from the television show Stargate SG-1, it is not the case. They are merely borrowing them and will return them seemingly unharmed to their rightful owner and creator Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions.**

**Also, they don't wish to infringe on any copyright laws and are NOT receiving any money whatsoever for their stories.**

**However, characters, objects and situations etc. that have been created by themselves, (that is, their original ideas) are their property and they do not give permission for them to be archived or reproduced unless they state otherwise****.  
**

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**CHAPTER ONE: "The Rap Begins"**

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****On a distant planet, our favourite villain was causing a scene...................**

**_"Hey hey hey, I have somethin' to say! _**

**_Join ME people or you will pay! _**

**_I'll zat you and I'll chop you until you are dead,_**

**_so you had better listen to what I have said!"_**

**"What are you doing Mr. Peabody?" A civilian was puzzled, why was he rapping?**

**_"Ha ha ha, you have fallen for my trap,_**

**_now you will die from my lethal rap!"_**

**"Ah Crap!" The civilian's eyes grew larger, as he realised what was about to happen.....then...... **

***KABLAM!***

**... his head exploded into a slushy raspberry jam!**

**_"Ha ha ha, haha ha ha, _**

**_don't even try to run 'cause you won't get far!"_**

**The civilians were terrified! Why was Ra singing in rap? And what the hell was this so-called trap?**

**_"Now you, and you, and you, you and you, _**

**_get moving DORKS 'cause I have lot to do!"_**

**Ra's Jaffa rounded up the civilians and loaded them into Ra's ship.**

**_"Goodbye little humans, farewell, tooroo,_**

**_soon your planet will be history and so will YOU!"_**

**Ra walked off in the direction of the forest that surrounded the small town. Meanwhile the ship took off and headed for space.**

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Chapter two will be up soon, so please (if you could) post up a quick review for us! Thanks!_**


	2. Madness on the Base!

**CHAPTER TWO: "Madness On The Base"**

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**"Dum di dum di dum, HEY!" Daniel danced down a corridor in the SGC. "Dum di do da DAY......" He kicked his leg high in the air, and then realised who he narrowly missed. "HEY! Jack!" Daniel had kicked Jack's briefing folder out of his hands and paper was flying everywhere.**

**"Geez Daniel! What the hell are you doing you MORON?!!" O'Neill grumbled.**

**"I'm not doing anythiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing wrooooooong!"**

**A look of fear washed over the Colonel's face.**

**"Why are you singing and dancing then?"**

**"I'm not siiiiiiiingiiiiiiiiiing!"**

**  
  
"Yes you ARE! Now stop it and help me pick up my paper that you so gracefully karate kicked out of my arms!"  
**

**  
"I'm not dooooooing kaaaraaateeee!"**

**"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jack pulled at his hair, and was just about to throttle Daniel when Sam turned down the corridor.**

**"Hiiiiiiiii Saaaaaaaaaaam!" Daniel pranced up to Carter and forced her to dance with him.**

**"Daniel, what are you doing?... SIR?!" Sam was quite disturbed about Daniel's lack of 'Danielness'.**

**_"It's a lovely day today! _**

**_And whatever you've got to do! _**

**_It would be lovely to be doing it with you!"_**

**"Daniel, you're really scaring me- I'm taking you to see Dr. Frasier!"**

**_"Don't worry Sam! Be happy! _**

**_Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo!"_**

**"Daniel! Let go of me and come quietly to see Dr............"**

**Daniel threw his mission folder in the air, watching the paper fly, he started to dance again.**

**_"I'm singing in the rain...or paper! Just singing in the r-paper!" _**

**He swung Sam out and she crashed into a stunned O'Neill.**

**"Soooooooorry guuuuuuuuys!"**

**Jack looked at Sam.**

**"GRAB HIM!!"**

**The pair jumped up and grabbed Daniel by the arms.**

**"Puuuuuut meeeeee doooooown!"  
**

**"Oh no you don't! We're going to see the good old doctor!" Jack yanked on Daniel's arm.**

**"Doctor who?! HA HA get it?!"**

**"He is really loosing his mind!" **

**They hurriedly dragged him to the infirmary. The minute they got through the doors, Daniel started singing again.**

**_"Love me tender, love me sweet!"_**

**Janet turned towards the door. "Daniel?!" Dr Frasier was disgusted at his behaviour....but was feeling all 'funny' inside!**

**"Sorry Doc, but we think Danny boy is sick!"**

**"And what's that supposed to mean?" Janet snapped.**

**_"DID YOU EVER KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY HERO!_**

**"Hurry, he's getting louder!"**

**Janet turned to get a needle when suddenly......**

**_"Ah ah ah ah stayin' alive, stayin' alive!"_**

**"Janet! No! Not you too!" Sam and Jack's grip on Daniel loosened and he was able to break away from his friends. Grabbing them by the wrists Daniel started....**

**_"Ring around the rosie a pocket full of posie, atissue atissue we all fall down!"_**

**Janet jumped up onto a bedside table and started dancing.**

**_"Ooooh! I feel like a woman!"_**

**Jack and Sam watched in horror (and amazement) when Janet lept off the table and onto an equally horrified patient who was lying harmlessly in his bed! Their surprise didn't end there. Janet then started to jump up and down on the bed causing the poor patient to shake like an earthquake!**

**Meanwhile Daniel was on the phone, singing a serenade to whoever was on the other end.**

**"Loooovve me sweeeet with alllllll yourrrrr heeeeaaart!"**

**Jack turned to Sam.**

**"What are we going to do?"**

**"I don't know Sir!"**

**"Well, General Hammond might be able to find a little white room for our musical pair."**

**Sam looked past Jack, towards Daniel.**

**"I don't think so Sir. Something tells me that General Hammond needs a room too!"**

**"Why do you....." Jack looked at Daniel. "****OH CRAP!!****"**


	3. Harebrained Doctors and a Gelloman!

**CHAPTER THREE: "Harebrained Doctors and a Gelloman!"**

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**"General, I looooove yoooou!" Daniel sang with outstretched arms.**

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**"I love you too Doctoooor Jacksssoooon!...." Came the General's muffled reply.**

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**"DANIEL! GET OFF THAT PHONE NOW!"**

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**"Jaaack! I'm so haaaapy! The Geeeneraaal looves meee TOOOOOOOO!!!!" Daniel sang so loudly, that every glass and window in the infirmary smashed into a billion pieces!**

**  
Janet was tired of jumping on the bed, and resorted to doing star jumps in front of and Airman (who was standing just outside the doorway) while singing "Row row row your boat"!!**

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**The havoc was only begining, for Daniel's new obsession was the infirmary's big white clock that was hanging on the wall.**

**He had taken it down and was shaking it while singing: "One two three o'clock four o'clock rock...." **

**He then walked (or skipped more like it) up to the poor guy Janet had been jumping on and... "Five six seven o'clock eight o'clock...."**

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***SMASH***

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**"ROCK!!" Daniel began bashing the man's brains out with the clock (still singing mind you. In fact, every time he reached the word 'rock', he lifted the clock up and brought it back down on the guy's head!)**

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**"Okay, this is going to be a looooong day!" Jack signalled the Airmen around Daniel and Janet. **

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**"Put them in a quarantine room!" Sam motioned for them to leave.**

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**"Right away Ma'am!" and Airman replied as Sam pointed to the door. They proceeded to push Janet and Daniel out the door.**

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**"Hey, hey watch it Rambo, be careful fer cryin' out loud!"**

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**"Yes Sir." The Airmen "escorted" Daniel and Dr. Frasier to a quarantine room.**

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**"We have to get General Hammond." Jack scratched his head.**

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**"Yeah, bye the way, where's Teal'c?"**

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**"Dunno, why?"  
**

**"Well Sir, he could help us to keep sane long enough to figure out what people have got."**

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**Meanwhile in the cafeteria.......**

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**"What is this unusual green, slimy, goop-like substance?" Teal'c looked suspiciously at a blob of green giggly stuff sitting on a plate in front of him.**

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**"Teal'c, that's gello." The cafeteria lady looked at Teal'c, Teal'c looked at the cafeteria lady... he raised his eyebrow. "It's food! It's supposed to be a delicacy." Teal'c raised his other eyebrow. "Ah, suit yourself." The cafeteria lady walked out the back and came back with a cigarette in her mouth, and smoke lingering around her head.**

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**Teal'c stuck his finger in the gello. It wobbled around a bit and then slid off the plate..**

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***PLATTT***

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**Teal'c just looked at the gello, that had make a pretty impression on the cafeteria floor. He motioned for another caff-lady, she peevishly obliged and stood next to Teal'c (who was still staring at the gello)**

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**"Yes Teal'c"**

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**"This gello appears to have a mind of its own"**

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**"Ah ha"**

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**"It is indeed alive, and did not take kindly to my finger creating holes in its side."**

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**"How so?"**

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**"It committed suicide."**

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**"Ooooh" The lady rolled her eyes. "Would you like another one then?"**

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**"Indeed"**

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**Teal'c was just about to see what the other blue gello "creature" was about to do if he "zatted" it when Jack and Sam walked into the room.**

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**"Ah, Teal'c! We soooo need your help!"**

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**"Yeah, Daniel and Dr. Frasier have got some kind of virus, I'm not sure what it is, but I'm guessing it's got something to do with...."**

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**"This creature seems to have a high IQ level, where did it originate?"**

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**"Teal'c, that's gello." Jack looked blankly at Teal'c for about two seconds and then continued to curse.**

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**"Its evolution rate must be rapid- I have never come across such a being." Teal'c was so engrossed in studying his gello.**

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**"TEAL'C ARE YOU EVEN HEARING ME??!!"**

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**"Jack, I mean Sir!"  
  
"Sorry Carter, but Lucy here is really pi......"**

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**"I AM NOT LUCY!!" Teal'c jumped to attention when he heard Jack mock him.**

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**"Woa! Calm down there ol' buddy. I didn't mean to offend you!" Jack ducked as Teal'c threw his gello spoon at his head.**

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**"You have offended me, as has been the case on many occasions."  
  
"Alright alright, I'm sorry, geez!"**

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**"This gello IS intelligent! It has the ability to conduct a conversation in a polite manner, unlike your ways O'Neill."**

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**"Teal'c, the gello is food, it's not alive. It's just gello crystals and hot water."  
  
Teal'c looked at Carter.**

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**"What are you saying?"**

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**"Teal'c, the gello is DEAD! To put it into terms you can understand!"**

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**Teal'c stood up and held the plate of gello under Sam's nose.**

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**"You must apologise for your unkind words!"  
  
"I'm not apologising to gello Teal'c."**

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**"You must! Or the fate of this world will be sealed!"**

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**"TEAL'C! FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD! THE GELLO IS NOT ALIVE!!!" Jack snatched the plate from Teal'c and tipped the gello in the bin.**

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**"How dare you cast away a life!"**

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**"Geez Teal'c, get over it!"**

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**"I cannot, and for your behaviour, you will be punished!"**

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**"Oh yeah, and who do you suppose will even try that?"**

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**"Me."**

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**"Ah Crap!"**

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**"Colonel, I think Teal'c's got whatever Daniel and Janet have got, but it's affecting him differently."**

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**"I don't care what he's got Carter! He's going to 'punish' us for 'killing' his GELLO!"**

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**Sam turned towards a cafeteria lady.**

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**"Gretel?!"**

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**"Why are you calling the cafeteria lady, Carter?"**

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**"To explain to Teal'c that the gello is just food."**

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**"But I thought he didn't understand that!"**

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**"He might listen to Gretel, after all, she's kinda the mother of all gello to Teal'c."**

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**Gretel shuffled over to Carter and Jack.**

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**"Whaddya want? I haven't got all day ya know! C'mon, speak up kid!!"**

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**mmmmm.... Jack had a disturbing thought- what was that in his hotdog last week that he THOUGHT was grated cheese?!**

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**"A woman after my own heart!"**

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**"I'm sorry Gretel, but can you tell Teal'c that the gello is not alive?!" Sam tried to grin at Gretel, but it didn't seem to be working.**

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**"Who's ta say it isn't ALIVE?!!" Gretel looked Sam straight in the eye and then continued to choke on her cigarette.**

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**"Ewww!" Jack stuck out his tongue in disgust.**

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**"Anyway, Gelloboy was just about ta microwave his own gello when you two came in here and wreaked by cigarette break!"**

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**"She's on a never-ending cigarette break!" Jack spoke through his teeth.**

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**"Point being ittad be dead anyway- now SCRAM!" Gretel shuffled back to her cigarette break behind the counter.**

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**Teal'c looked at Jack and Sam.**

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**"Did I not tell you it was alive?"**

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**"I'm beginning to believe him you know. You never know what that woman cooks for us." Jack whispered to Sam.**

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**"Colonel, you're not helping."**

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**"Sorry, um....okay, Teal'c.......you're going to have to come with us."**

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**"For what purpose?"**

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**"Ah, I just remembered that Carter and I met Gelloman in the corridor about half an hour ago."**

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**"Yeah, and he moves pretty slow so he might still be there!" added Sam.**

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**"Gelloman?"**

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**"Yeah, he's the um, master of gello! You should meet him, he's very interesting!" Said Jack.**

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**"Indeed." Teal'c got up and followed Jack and Sam down the corridor.**

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**"Where is this Gelloman??!"**

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**"Uh, he's here somewhere!" Sam was getting nervous.**

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**"YOU LIE!!!"**

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**"No no! Look there's Dr. Frasier and Daniel. They were saying that they wanted to meet Gelloman. And look! There's Gelloman himself!!"**

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**"I do not see him!"**

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**"That's because he moved over into that corner- you have to go INSIDE!" Jack pushed Teal'c into the quarantine room and slammed the door.**

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**"O'NEILL!!"**

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**Jack signalled for Teal'c to be quite, but it didn't work.**

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**"LET ME FREE!!"**

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**O'Neill pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and stuck it over the small glass window in the door.**

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**"Do you hear anything Carter?"**

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**"No, no I don't think I hear anything."**

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**"Great! Let's go, we'll have to find the General by ourselves."**

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******Back to chapter two!**

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**On to chapter four!******

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	4. Emergencies often call for a fire exting...

CHAPTER FOUR: "Emergencies often call for a fire extinguisher and a forklift!"  
  
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Jack and Sam walked into General Hamond's office, slamming the door behind them. The pair turned to the General........who was....... WHAT THE HELL?!!  
  
"General!!" Jack screamed "What the hell are you doing?"  
  
General Hammond was sitting on his desk, talking on the phone.  
  
"Excuse me son, but is your refrigerator running?" General spoke into the end of the phone, "Yes, well you had better go and catch it then!" George then burst out in laughter, while the man on the end of the line shouted swear words and curses.  
  
Sam and Jack looked at each other.  
  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1?"  
  
"I think I am B2" Replied Sam.  
  
"It's another crazy man!!" Jack and Sam surprised each other with the same comment.  
  
"Hey, hey there my favourite officers! Watch this!" Hammond stood up on his chair and started commentating, "And now, the world's best diver will attempt what no man has attempted before! I am going to dive into my coffee mug!!"  
  
"GENERAL! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Three, two, one..."  
  
*SMASH*  
  
Jack and Sam ducked as splinters of wood from Hammond's "former" desk flew through the air.  
  
"Time to go and visit Dan." The colonel patted the mangled General Hammond on the arm.  
  
"Oh he LOVES me Colonel, he loves ME!" George flew around at the mention of Daniel's name and started to shake Jack violently.  
  
"Yes, yes........Ah Carter?"  
  
"Sorry Sir!"  
  
Samantha tried to pry the General's grip from Jack.  
  
"It's not working!!"  
  
"Well fer cryin' out loud Major, try harder! General skitso is sha....a....king.... m...meee.. se....nsl.....ess!"  
  
"You have sense Sir?"  
  
"C.....aart.....t....er!"  
  
"Sorry Sir....." Sam looked around the room for something to pry the General off Jack with.  
  
"H...uuuu....rry.......u......u.....p!"   
  
"Hang on, I've got it!" Sam picked up a fire extinguisher. "Ready..one....two...three!"  
  
*KKKKKKKSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH*  
  
White foamy slush came out of the end of the fire extinguisher and covered O'Neill and Hammond. The General was stunned, but only for a minute......  
  
"BUBBLES!" General grabbed handfuls of the foam and flung it into the air. Jack just stood there motionless.  
  
"Colonel? Sir are you all right?"  
  
"No I'm god damn not!" Jack blew the white soapy bubbles from his face and then proceeded to brush himself off.  
  
"Well, there's only one thing left to do Sir."  
  
"Yes, yeah! That is THE most sensible thing I've heard all day!" Before Sam could say a word...... DIT DIT SHREWW!  
  
"SIR!"  
  
"Ah, What?!"  
  
"You can't just zap the General, I mean, he was so harmless, singing "Rubber Duckie You're The One".   
Jack stood speechless for a moment, and then, shaking his head he said, "Carter, don't even joke!"   
  
"Sorry Sir." Sam had trouble wiping the smile off her face.  
  
"Oh crap!" The look on the Colonel's face changed from 'kinda worried' (and for good reason) to very, very frustrated.  
  
"Come again Sir?" Sam obviously didn't understand the Colonel''s train of thought.  
  
"How the HELL are we going to move the fat....... ah, General Hammond?"  
  
Sam looked at the General, "Ah, maybe one of the maintenance guys have a um, forklift?"  
  
Jack threw a look at Sam.   
  
"Carter..... you're a genius!" Jack slapped her on the back.  
  
"What? Colonel! I was joking..... y-you can't!"  
  
"Oh we can!"  
  
Jack pushed Sam out the door and headed for the maintenance department. Once there, Jack knocked on the door.  
  
"Hello! We're in need of a FORKLIFT here!"  
  
"Sir, I really think..."  
  
"Shutup Carter! We're doin' it my way!"  
  
"Suit yourself Sir."  
  
The door opened and a maintenance guy walked out and went down the corridor.  
  
"Hey you! Get your arse back here!" Colonel O'Neill ran after him and grabbed him by the arm. The man turned around and suddenly, his eyes glowed!  
Jack drew his zat, but the man took off at neck-breaking speed.  
  
"God damn it! We have a goa'uld on the base! GREAT GREAT GREAT!!"  
  
"Well Sir, what now?"  
  
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	5. Goa'ulds and elevators are a no no! Part...

**CHAPTER FIVE: Goa'uld's and elevators are a no no! (Part One)**

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******Meanwhile on Ra's ship......**

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******"Ha ha ha....I am the all evil Ra! I have taken you prisoner and you won't go far!"**

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** Ra looked evil as ever, "Go to the Stargate and then report back to me!"**

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**"Yes my Lord"**

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**"And remember, I want O'Neill ALIVE!"**

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**"Oh crap!"**

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**"What's that Sir?"**

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**"Ahh, come over here, I think you'll be unpleasantly surprised."**

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**The goa'uld had really, truly run at "neck-breaking". He had broken his neck and it wasn't a pretty sight.**

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**"Oh my god"**

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**"Yup"**

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**"Is it dead?"**

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**"I dunno, don't tell me the slimy snake's still alive somewhere!"**

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**Carter bent over the dead body.**

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**"So much for our forklift" Mumbled O'Neill.**

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**Jack stood next to Sam and bent over with her.**

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**"Are we okay on the "deadness" of this guy?"**

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**"The guy yes........ the goa'uld though........."**

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**Just then, Jack saw something move.**

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**"Ah crap!"**

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**Jack pulled Carter away and they both stood there watching.**

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**"It's alive!"**

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**"Oh yeah!"**

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**The goa'uld slithered out of the body and took it's flight down the corridor and into the elevator.**

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**Jack looked puzzled.**

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**"Um, Sir? Do you have an idea?"**

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**"No actually, I was just wondering...."  
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**"What?"**

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**"How's he going to push the buttons?"**

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**Sam rolled her eyes.**

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**"What?! Think about it! He's 30 cm high for cryin' out loud!"**

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**"Then we can still catch him sir."**

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**"Right! I knew that! Let's go!"**

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**They ran down the corridor, following the icky translucent gook trail that the goa'uld had left behind.**

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**"Hey there he.....ah.....it goes!"**

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**Sam pointed to the elevator, but as she spoke the doors started to close and the goa'uld, beside the fact that it had no face, looked really really evil!"**

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**"Hey! It's getting away!" Jack stood and looked at the elevator and then to Sam and then to the little lights on the elevator that indicate which floor you're on.**

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**"Well that's great. I did say he was getting away."**

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**"Yes Sir but how did he press the buttons? As you said........"**

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**"I know! But that was just TOO logical!!"**

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**"Well Sir, we'd better g.........."**

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**"No! No way! We're not going after that thing!"**

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**"But Sir!"**

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**"NO!  
**

**"Why not?"**

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**"Well for starters, I can't stand those slimy, creepy.....snakes and what would we do with it if we caught it?"**

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**"It might help us to find out why everyone in the base is acting so strangely."**

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**"Well, maybe."**

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**"And second of all?"**

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**"I think it would be easier to find that thing if it was inside someone making them go all haywire."**

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**"But Sir, everyone's acting haywire."**

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**"WELL WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE WE DO THEN? WE CAN'T ASK ANYONE FOR HELP SEEING AS THOUGH THEY ARE ALL SCREWED!"**

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**"I suggest we catch it Sir."**

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**"FINE! WE'LL DO IT YOUR WAY MAJOR!"**

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**"Sir?"**

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**"WHAT?"**

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**"Would you please stop yelling?"**

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**"Oh, sorry Carter."**

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**Jack pushed the elevator button and they waited.............**

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***BING* the doors opened.....**

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***SCREECH***

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**"Huh?" **

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**The goa'uld slithered up the wall and out the hole in the top of the elevator.**

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**"Hey wait! You little...."**

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**"Sir."**

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**"Oh soreeey then! I can't help it if I'm a little frustrated because some evil little goopy looking worm is crawling around in my WORKPLACE!"**

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**"Hey, I wonder if this would qualify under worker's comp....."**

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**"CARTER!"**

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**They jumped up and squeezed through the emergency exit.**

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**"Hey, where'd that little maggot go?"**

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**"THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!"**

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**"What the?"**

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**The off-tune noted echoed around the elevator shaft.**

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**"Carter?"**

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**"Wasn't me Sir."**

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**"Well then who......"  
  
"UP LIKE A BIRD I WANNA FLY AWAY!"**

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**Sam and Jack looked up. There, hanging from a long cable, was another maintenance man. He started to flap his arms and laugh loudly at the pair beneath him.**

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**"Hey you two! Look over there! I can see an un-cooked noodle sliding down the wall! Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"**

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**The cable broke and the man fell to his fate below.**

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**"They don't make cables like they used to!"**

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**"Sir the goa'uld!"**

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**"Oh, right. Help me down there will you?"**

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**"How Sir?"**

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**"What do ya mean, how Sir?"**

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**Sam raised her eyebrows.**

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**"What?"**

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**"Explain to me Sir, just how I am supposed to help you down there."**

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**"Oh so I'm supposed to think of a plan then am I?"**

****

**"Well Sir, I don't know how you....."**

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***OFF WORLD-ACTIVATION!!***

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****

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	6. Goa'uld's and elevators are a no no! Par...

**CHAPTER SIX: Goa'uld's and elevators are a no no! (Part Two)**

**(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))**

**"Sir the Goaul'd......"**

**"Carter, the Stargate!"**

**"But Sir!"**

**"But Carter!!"**

**"AH CRAP!!"**

**"Well Sir we've got two choices."**

**"Yeah and both of them are?"**

**"Uh, Sir?"**

**"Carter?"**

**"Look up!"**

**The Goa'uld was gnawing its way through the elevator cable. Jack and Sam looked at each other.**

**"Can he chew through that thing?"**

**"Well Sir I...."**

***GROAN***** The elevator swayed slightly.**

**"...Would say yes!"**

**"Geez! Quick Carter, get back down that hatch and off this elevator before we become human jam on ground zero!"**

**Carter turned to the hatch and gave it a tug.**

**"Um Sir, it won't open!"**

**"What!"**

**"I'm probably just not strong enough, a little help Sir?"**

**Jack took hold of the hatch as well and on his count they pulled with all their might.**

**"God Damn It! Why isn't it working?!"**

**"I don't know Sir."**

**Sam let go of the hatch's handle and pressed her hands to the top of the elevator.**

**"Yeoooouch!"**

**"What?!"**

**"It's hot! Someone's welded it from the inside!"**

***GROAN* *SWAY***

**"OH CRAP!!"**

**Jack got to his feet and started to jump up and down on the hatch.**

**"Carter get over here and help!"**

**"No! Sir that's not a good idea!"**

***GROAN* *SWAY***

**"Colonel! You're going to make it worse!"**

**Jack stopped and looked at Carter.**

**"There are two cables on an elevator Carter. If one breaks, he has another one to go through before we are gonna die!"**

**"I know that Sir, but if that one breaks..."**

**  
*****GROAN!***

**"...Then the elevator's going to tilt, and we're going to slide off!"**

**Jack finally clicked.**

**"Then what do you propose we do?"**

**"I really don't know Sir."**

**"Just then, the Goa'uld succeeded in his little plan- the cable broke and the elevator tilted dangerously to one side, causing Carter and O'Neill to slide. They managed, however, to grab hold of the trap door's handle, and hung there, frantically thinking up a plan.**

**"Sir he's already started on...."**

**"The next cable! I know! I know!"**

**They looked around themselves.**

**"Great! We're gonna die!"**

**"Not today my friends!!" Came a muffled reply.**

--> --> 


	7. We're Off To See The Wizard!

**CHAPTER SEVEN: We're Off To See The Wizard!******

****

**"where'd that come from?"**

****

**"I don't know Sir."**

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**The voice spoke again, "Now you two up there, jut hang on and I'll get you down."**

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**Jack rolled his eyes, "Oh, and just how are you going to-"**

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***CRASH***

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**The trap door came off its hinges and landed inside the lopsided elevator, bringing O'Neill and Carter with it.**

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**"There we go! Now you can just step out!" Standing there, with a crowbar in hand, was a tall man. He looked friendly enough. Carter and O'Neill stood up and the three left the elevator just in time- as they turned to see it drop into the long shaft.**

****

**"Thanks buddy."**

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**"You are welcome."**

****

**"Who would have welded it?" Sam scratched her head.**

****

**"Beats me." Jack composed himself and turned to the man. "Do we know you?"**

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**"You do not."  
  
"Do you have a name then?"**

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**"I do, but you are in no position to be asking of it!"**

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**Sam and Jack looked surprised. The guy had changed all of a sudden. Suddenly, Sam remembered the Stargate.**

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**"You're the guy who came through the Stargate."**

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**The man looked at Sam, "Yes, and I will be leaving by it as well."**

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**Jack stepped into his line of sight, "I'm afraid we can't let you do that."**

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**"And why is that?" The alien raised his eyebrows.**

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**"You've become a security risk I'm afraid."**

**"I mean you no harm."**

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**"Even so, whoever let you into the SGC would certainly not have let you walk the base alone- especially this level."**

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**The man reached behind him and pulled a zat gun on Sam and Jack.**

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**"Alas, you have foiled me, but I'm afraid to say that you are now my hostages.....come with me." Jack opened his mouth to retaliate, but he was cut off ,"There is someone who wants to deal with you." The alien directed his last sentence towards O'Neill, "Get moving!"**

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**The man lead the pair back to the Stargate and punched in his coordinates. There was no one in the control room.**

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**"What have you done with everyone?" Jack hissed.**

****

**The strange man didn't reply, he just violently pushed Jack towards the Stargate.**

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**"Hey watch it!"**

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**Sam, Jack and the alien proceeded into the Stargate.**

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***BLOOB* *BLOOB* *BLOOB***

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	8. Dining With Ra!

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******CHAPTER EIGHT: Dining With Ra!******

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**"Where is that incompetent, impotent-brained idiot got to?!" Ra was getting anxious, which was probably not a good thing.**

**A few minutes later, one of Ra's servants appeared.**

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**"Sir, Aral has returned with O'Neill and Samantha Carter."**

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**"It's about time he learned to get off his clacker and do something right for a change! Tell him to come here at once!"**

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**"Yes my lord."**

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**"Yeoj!" The servant turned back to Ra at the sound of his name. "Get me that other Tau'ri as well!"**

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**"Yes my lord."**

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**10 minutes later, Sam, Jack and another man from Earth were lead into Ra's quarters. Ra looked at the man.**

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**"Speak, what is your name?"**

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**The man was petrified, "M-my name i-is Felix.......F-Felix W-Wankel. Dr F-Felix W-Wankel."**

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**Sam looked at Felix in amazement. "Dr Felix Wankel?! The scientist who-" **

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**"Created the Wankel Engine, yes." Felix stared at the floor. Jack looked at Sam.**

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**"Explain?"**

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**"He's a famous scientist Sir, and, and he's supposed to be dead."**

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**"Well how the hell did Ra-"**

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**"HE WAS BROUGHT FROM HIS GRAVE TO SERVE ME!" Ra bellowed.**

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**"H-How?" Wankel was turning all shades of green.**

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**"YOU WILL BUILT ONE OF YOUR WANKEL ENGINES IN ORDER TO HELP ME CREATE A BAND OF FIGHTER CRAFTS!"**

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**Wankel fainted.**

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**"TAKE HIM TO A HOLDING CELL!"**

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**Ra turned his attention to Sam and Jack.**

**"NOW, YOU MUST BE HUNGRY."**

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**Jack's eyebrows moved and his face changed from angry to calm, and then he nodded his head.**

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**"Well....."**

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**"SIR!"**

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**"NO NO IT'S PERFECTLY FINE! JOIN ME O'NEILL."**

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**Ra snapped his fingers and Yeoj and a female Jaffa appeared.**

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**"AHH, MY CELESTIAL SERVANTS, SERVE US A FEAST! I AM MAKING A TOAST TO COLONEL O'NEILL."**

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**"Yes master."**

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**"AND AYMAR! BRING SOMETHING FOR OUR GUESTS TO SIT ON."**

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**Aymar rushed away to carry out Ra's orders.**

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**"Sir something is not right, Ra wouldn't just welcome us in and then have a feast for you!"**

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**"And why the HELL not?"**

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**"Shhh!" Sam tried to quieten Jack.**

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**"Just what are you implying?"**

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**"Be careful, that's all."**

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**"FINE!" Jack raised his voice, drawing Ra's attention.**

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**"WHAT WAS THAT?"**

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**"Oh, nothing." Sam bit her lip.**

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**"AHH, LET US BEGIN." The food had arrived.**

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**"TO O'NEILL AND HIS LOVELY FRIEND."**

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**Jack began to shove the delicious smorgasbord of food in his mouth.**

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**"TUT TUT! WE DON'T WANT YOU GETTING CRAPULOUS ON US!.........or do we?"**

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**"What?!"**

****

**"OH, NEVER MIND!"**

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**Sam leaned over to O'Neill. "Sir I really think you should stop eating."**

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**"Why?"**

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**"Are you going mental on me Sir!! You're having a buffet with Mr Glowing-Eyed RAGBAG!"**

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**Jack raised his eyebrows.**

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**"Sir! He's the enemy!!"**

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**"Do you have to be so repugnant towards my new pal Ra?"**

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**"PAL??!!"**

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**"Yes, I've decided he's not really a bad man."**

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**"Colonel! You're crazy! I bet he's poisoned you!!!"  
  
"Sure Sam whatever."**

****

**Ra heard the commotion. "PROBLEM?"**

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**"Yes!"**

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**"No!"**

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**"HMM, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH OUR FEMALE GUEST IS NOT HUNGRY. ARAL, TAKE HER TO A HOLDING CELL!"**

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**"Yes master."**

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**Against Sam's protests, she was taken to the holding cell with Wankel.**

--> --> 


	9. The Wankel Banquet!

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******CHAPTER NINE: The Wankel Banquet!******

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**(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))**

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****BANG 

The cell door slammed. 

"Wankel! We're in real trouble! Listen, you've gotta help me get us out of here." 

Wankel remained in the dark corner of the cell. 

"Wankel?!" 

There was no reply. Sam walked over to Wankel and shook him gently. 

"Oh no! I can't believe it, he's dead and I'm trapped in here while Sir is out there being poisoned and going crazy!" 

"Psst!" There was someone at the door. Sam walked over to the door and looked through the small window. On the other side was a tall, dark haired woman. She didn't appear to have the keys to the cell, so she spoke through the glass. 

"My name is Regina. I despise Ra and came to tell you that he plans to kill you if you do not cooperate like O'Neill is." 

"Well what am I supposed to do then?" 

Regina looked around nervously, "Just play along, pretend." 

Sam understood and nodded. 

"I must go, good luck!" 

Regina left and 10 minutes later two of Ra's guards came to take Sam back to O'Neill and Ra. 

Once back at the table, Sam pretended to be "poisoned" like Jack. 

"AHH, I SEE YOU HAVE COME TO YOUR SENSES. THAT IS GOOD. VERY GOOD." 

Sam continued to pretend to enjoy her situation, until a big plate was brought out and placed on the banquet table. Jack dug into it (he was looking kinda crapulous too!). Sam picked at it, but made sure she looked pleased, but it was hard when she found something sticking in the meat. 

"What the...." Sam breathed. She pulled something from the meat. It looked like plastic; turning it over in her hand, she could make out some words: "Dr Felix Wankel- Reason of death: Poisoning." 

Sam stood up all of a sudden, her face was green. 

Jack was eating Dr Wankel!!! 

"Dr Wankel?! Jack, GROSS!" Sam dove in Jack's direction and pushed away what was left of the meat. "I can't pretend any longer! You are an evil, evil being and I want to know what you want with Colonel O'Neill and I." 

"VERY WELL, BUT IT MEANS I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU!" 

"I know very well that you weren't just going to let us free!" 

"OH YES, YOU'RE A SMART ONE. WELL, I HAD HALF ANTICIPATED THAT WANKEL WOULD DIE OF STRESS, THAT IS WHY I BROUGHT YOU AND O'NEILL TO DO THE WORK." 

"What about Teal'c and the others?" 

"THEY CAN NEVER AGAIN FOIL MY PLANS.... HA HA HA, NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU NOW!" 

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End file.
